we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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