you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
