She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
