Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
