I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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