I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
