Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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