I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Randomize
