I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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