I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
