I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I woke up under a house in Key West
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
