Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
