go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
