are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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