tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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