She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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