hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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