I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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