Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
