i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I need moral support for this bender
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
