tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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