He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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