she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
