the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
