She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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