I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
