I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
