We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
