So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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