Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
