The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
