Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
