speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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