I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
