omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
