I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
What a dumb baby whore.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
