There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
