this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He has the fingertips of a God
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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