She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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