hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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