You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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