the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
