Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
