nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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