ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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