yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize
