TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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