well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
