will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
