I have demons in me.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
