Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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