Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just cropdusted the office
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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