I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
