i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
