The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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