I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
