when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
