I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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