he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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